All posts by Andrew Bradford

About Andrew Bradford

I'm a single father who lives in Atlanta. I have worked in academia, politicial consulting, and journalism. I'm currently a writer at LiberalAmerica.org and also have a news and opinion site at deepleftfield.info. Other than my family, what I love most of all are words.

‘The Great Escape’ by Cheryl Russell

She gasped, horrified at what she found when she got up. The lid was off, how could she have done that? She placed her hand in the tank to find out if they were still there. She rustled the bedding to try for a response.

Oh please let them be here, she prayed quietly.

There was no answer from the occupants. She put some food in and changed the water in their bottle, still hoping they would appear. She was worried. Where were they? They always appeared when it was feeding time. She decided to put her hand right into where she knew they had made their nest. If they were there they would soon respond by giving her a little bite as a warning to leave them alone. Nothing stirred. She had to face facts, her gerbils had taken the opportunity to get out.

Where were they? They could be absolutely anywhere. She placed some food and cardboard around various hiding places hoping for a glimpse of them. The sofa was a big possibility and so was the bookcase. Surely they would emerge soon wanting food and to chew the cardboard. If she were to catch a glimpse of them she would have to block of that area so they couldn’t retreat again. She turned, catching a glimpse of a shadow running across the floor. Ah ha, one was visible at least. She moved slowly towards him, wanting to catch him before he had a chance to disappear again. He was too quick and ran as fast as lightning to avoid capture. He moved so fast she didn’t even see him go.

At least she now had some idea where to look and placed some more food at the entrance. A tiny head popped out, just enough to reach the food before disappearing back. She despaired, they were so fast when they wanted to be and they knew exactly how to avoid capture. They were too clever. Out of the corner of her eye she saw another movement, the other little horror had appeared. Reaching down she managed to scoop up the darling and carry him back to his house. He quickly went mad running around excitedly as if it was a new home.

Turning around she spied the other one trying to climb the curtain. She stopped as laughter overtook her. He looked so funny trying to climb up. She just hoped he didn’t chew them at the same time. She didn’t want to find little holes in the brand new curtains, she knew her gerbils only too well. They chewed everything in reach of them. Only the week before she had a new pair of jeans ruined courtesy of the little darlings! She went to this funny little gerbil still trying to climb the curtain and picked him up, placing him back where he belonged. They looked at her, eyes shine brightly with excitement. They stood up tall, sniffing the air looking so innocent. Looking at them she just laughed, they were so much fun and too cute that she had to forgive them. Anyway it was her own fault this time. She hoped they had enjoyed their little adventure because she would make sure it didn’t happen again!

Copyright 2016 by Cheryl Russell. All rights belong to the author and material may not be copied without the author’s express permission.

‘The Mirror Seen As A TV Set In The Bedroom’ by Art Metzger

You sit in daytime,
cross-legged on the floor
just inches away from the turned on tv.
In pajamas
one hand plays with a big toe,
the other thrust inside a box of Sugar Pops.
Sound from the speaker,
picture on the screen,
all yours, embracing.

Dad leaves for work,
bends down to kiss you unseen
as you sit, still.
“Not so close,”
Mom says, now and then,
unheard
against the bright colors,
cartoon sounds,
and sales pitches.
Nothing can summon you away,
daytime safe.

Night.
Almost asleep when Mom comes.
She takes your hand,
you rub your eyes
as she leads you to their bed.
“Dad won’t be home again,”
she says as she lays you in his place,
turned, facing the big dresser mirror.
Thumb in mouth
you watch her robe fall,
she gets into bed,
tucks a pillow between her legs,
takes your hand to hold,
thumb wet with sucking.
You can’t change the channel
or turn it off.
It’s all right there
in the wooden frame,
bigger than any tv screen,
but you’re not pulled in,
awareness remains.
Alert,
you hear every sound
capture every moment
while she holds onto your hand
and says that she loves you.

Copyright 2016 by Art Metzger. All rights belong to the author and material may not be copied without the author’s express permission.

‘Even If Only One Day’ by Daniel X. Morrison

No, I don’t think I would live it all again if given the chance. Laying here in this shithole I call my home, pain constant despite the medication the doctor says is the maximum he can prescribe without it killing me, I don’t see the point of living again. To even consider such a thing is laughable, or would be if I still had the ability to laugh.

My life has been royally fucked from the very beginning: Born prematurely and my mother nearly died bringing me into this miserable excuse of a world. My father was mostly absent, and when he did show his face it was only to beat my mother or beg for money to feed his own addictions. This is no one’s fault, and I’m not blaming him for the intense suffering I feel for the years I’ve spent attempting to navigate this life of mine. Not his fault that I was destined to be diagnosed with stomach cancer at the relatively young age of 45. Not his fault that I realized I was gay when I was only ten years old. Not his fault–not anyone’s–that I made the decisions I made, some of which led me to serve five years in prison for assaulting a man who said he loved me and then stole every dime I had saved for three years. This is all on me, and I can handle the burden with enough meds.

Last week the doctor told me I might have six months left to scrabble around and fight the disease eating me alive from the inside. My stomach is in constant pain, as is my asshole. When I shit, it feels as if fireballs are issuing forth into the bowl. Some nights I just sit on the commode and attempt to fall asleep there so I won’t have to crawl to the bathroom like some sort of half-human half-insect creation come to life from the pages of a Kafka story.

A nurse from the hospice agency came by and asked if I had any final thoughts I could share that might help others in my situation one day in the future. Yeah, I thought, I have one big one: Don’t get stomach cancer! Then again, don’t be homeless for two years and have to offer two buck blowjobs to desperate old men just so you can get a bite to eat. Don’t do any of that. Be sure and take the path of light and happiness. Get the good job, be a model citizen, pay your taxes, go to church every Sunday. Maybe then you’ll get the blessings that have eluded me. Or don’t. Pretty sure we’re all fucked no matter what our status with the dude in the distant clouds might be. We’re all gonna die, but some folks do it better than others. Me? Shit, I can’t even manage any dignity this close to the end. But fuck it! Dignity is so overrated, don’t you agree?

*******

Nights are not the worst, despite that some soon-to-die people like to say. People who claim night is the bad time have never gotten over their fears of the boogieman showing up when the sun sets.

No, it’s the mornings that always cause the most trouble for me. Because when another day dawns you’re forced to come to the horrible realization that you were not, as you so desperately had hoped, allowed to die in your fitful sleep. Instead, you have been given another day to suffer, to languish in more retching and blood. If you happen to see others off to start their days, be they delighted by the prospect or dreading it, at least they have something to look forward to. What do I have? Well, around ten this particular morning I should be having a shit that winds up being mostly blood and bile. How’s that for a wake-up call?

A social worker who came by to check on me said I was bitter and needed to adjust my attitude. Hey, nothing wrong with me that a good cure for cancer and extra morphine can’t cure, sister, but you just go right on believing attitude is some abstract concept you formulate in that space between your ears. Lemme trade you some of this pain for a better attitude. Bet you won’t take me up on that transaction.

Doesn’t matter. Not any of it does. Tomorrow I’ll maybe wake up again and start this fading life once more. Hooray for me! How brave I must be! Bullshit! I am not brave, I am not wise, and I am not getting any insight out of suffering like a fucking wounded animal. I am merely passing this day and the next to get to the last. What does that earn me? Nothing. Not a damn thing.

I don’t want more time. No, not even one more day, one more hour, not even a fraction of a fucking second. I just want it all to be gone and I want to vanish into the blackness of what awaits me, which is more nothingness.

******

Just after midnight I hear my next door neighbor coughing uncontrollably. Then he falls silent. Guess he got the death I was slated to receive. I take two more pills and curl up for another few hours of empty sleep.

Bring me your cures, but rest assured they will not work. I do not only have cancer of the stomach, it has even infected my soul, which should suit whatever god there is just fine. We’re almost even now, oh great one. But the house always wins. Fuck it! You can keep the hollowed-out body, the faded regrets, and the fragments of a life that remain.

Copyright 2016 by Daniel X. Morrison. All rights belong to the author and material may not be copied without the author’s express permission.

‘Uphill’ by Cheryl Russell

Her whole body tensed up, she could feel the anxiety rising, nausea rose in her throat making her feel as if she was being strangled. Could she really do this? Everyone else believed in her but she had her doubts. No choice, it had to be done or she would feel a failure forever. She was sweating despite temperatures being sub zero, anxiety again. She had to do this to prove to herself she was perfectly capable. She would never forgive herself if she couldn’t. The sky was blue and the sun shone brightly, dazzling the brilliant whiteness of the snow. She had on sunglasses to protect herself from the glare that leapt up at her. Her skis were on and she was ready. She glanced with great trepidation where she was supposed to ski. She was terrified, as she noticed it seemed to be a sheer drop down, no gentle slope for her. She wished herself anywhere else but where she was. What made her come back year after year for she only tortured herself? She traversed the slope but as she tried to make the turn anxiety tore at her again, she couldn’t do it, sitting down she turned herself around ready to go back across the slope. Standing up again she made her slow way across. It was pointed out to her that she not only wasn’t any lower down the slope but in actual fact had been skiing uphill. Not bad, she thought, at least she would remember this incident. Every one else skied downhill but as usual she had to be different and ski uphill! Well it was an achievement of sorts if not the usual type. She refused to see it as a negative thing, it had to be positive. Everyone else raced past at high speed while she made her very slow way down the same way as she started, sitting to turn round as she was so sure she would lose control and have a nasty fall. She had been told she had plenty of restraint it was just confidence she lacked but she wasn’t sure about that. Maybe skiing wasn’t really her thing, she acknowledged, but she loved the snow covered mountains and the freezing temperatures. It looked so beautiful and undisturbed. How could anyone not love this. She loved mountains at any time of year. In the summer they would be a lush green, vibrant and alive. Right at the highest peak snow could still be found. She sighed, what a privilege to be in these captivating surroundings. She continued skiing, eventually reaching the bottom and ready for a drink.

Copyright 2016 by Cheryl Russell. All rights belong to the author and material may not be copied without the author’s express permission.

‘The Faked Prophet’ by Andrew Bradford

Here he comes, all shine and polish, glue-glossied hair

Bringing lies and corruption in the guise of being genuine

They grovel at his feet, kiss his ring, beg for more

Dig it, he shouts:

It’s all gotta end, gonna change it all, gonna shake loose the foundations of Earth

Think anyone else can do what I can? Only I deliver your superficial salvation

Crawl closer and bathe in the putrid sweat of my hidden fear, until it infects you

Place your hand next to mine and let us all perish in the same suicidal rap

Repeat after me, acolytes of hateful shameless droning:

We will overcome the self-loathing we carry like an anchor

By directing our fetid vibrations 

In new directions of slavish dementia

Bury us all out by the pits of fire

We await your arrival, our prophet of faked creation born out of our madness

Here we stand, eyes fixed on the sun

As our pupils liquefy

Copyright 2016 by Andrew Bradford. All rights belong to the author and material may not be copied without the author’s express permission.

‘Our Ghosts On The Causeway’ by Robert L. Franklin

To explore this realm is to step through a tunnel

defying space-time, to deviate from the unknown

into an era rich in familiarity

and framed in nostalgia.

It’s easy to plant battered sneakers on

the haggard cement, but difficult to tread

from the sentimental causeway down to the

knives of summertime protruding

from their earthen sheaths.

This place is a graveyard haunted by people

and events long-since gone,

whose afterimages continue to exist

among the overgrowth and the barren gulch

that once served as a hindrance.

It was in this place that boys began their journey

to manhood, transitioned from mischievous to criminal,

entered as virgins and exited baptized.

Their footprints still

give them away in the soft sands.

Their art still colors the concrete

jettisoning from the damp underpass.

Their stained mattresses still rest

dilapidated among the symphony of insects.

Once upon a time,

I helped write the history of this place.

While warm rain fell from the sky,

I ran through the weeds with her

in the jovial preciousness

and pleasurable innocence

that exists only in youth,

before retreating underneath the causeway

and feeling her lips on mine for the first time.

Within the bitter winter,

he and I produced colorful aerosols

and imprinted our imaginations

on the mutilated cement

jetting from the waterlogged soil that anchored it.

They experimented with delinquency

in the early evening hours

while we experimented with honor using our fists.

But now I’m here,

a slow repetition of ethereal notes

sequestering me from the ambient bustle

of the surrounding world,

watching these ghosts play under the causeway

like they were antiquated home movies.

I see us as clearly as I did before,

engaging each other and our mercurial environment

with adolescent recklessness and moxie.

For as long as the causeway stands

and artifacts are left behind,

our ghosts will still

haunt the weeds, the swamp, and the starved ravine

forever attuned to burgeoning juvenescence.

Copyright 2016 by Robert L. Franklin. All rights belong to the author and material may not be copied without the author’s express permission.

‘The Way And The Truth’ by Andrew Bradford

For too long now we’ve all been trying to find

One proof that clarifies the sludge of a world in flux

Do you really believe what you carry inside your frozen heart?

Few more attempts at being human and call it a long day

Correct you are, they told me, and I wanted to believe!

Point to counterpoint, another lost moment of drivel

Best they just capitulate and surrender their souls

So we stare harder, search deeper, wind up at the place we began

Just as helpless as the day before;

just as dead as a man entombed in amber

Change is gonna come, some say

Light at end of tunnel

is just another fading fire

wasted

Copyright 2016 by Andrew Bradford. All rights belong to the author and material may not be copied without the author’s express permission.

‘Reminiscing’ by Andrew Bradford

Yeah, we were all so stupid back then

that it seems a shame

to watch as grown men cry over the pain of another lost day

Seen a lotta bad shit, the man said as he handed back the bottle

none of it makes much sense when you look at it in the clear

light of day

Maybe we can buy ourselves another shot at redemption and then

all will be good, all will be right for another night

of shakes and howls

Got to the last lesson and found myself stumped

by the physics of how we’re ever meant to be

the tiniest bit human or humane

Sitting here about half asleep

another half about stoned

but it won’t matter one iota

when the daylight breaks and exposes us all

as the frauds we always knew we were

Copyright 2016 by Andrew Bradford. All rights belong to the author and material may not be copied without the author’s express permission.

‘First Light, Soft Quiet Of Peace,’ by Michael Millwood

Any moment now, she will cease to breathe. It’s only a matter of minutes before the injection takes effect and all the pain is finally, mercifully gone.

It’s for the best, Nicky tells himself as he lights a cigarette and fixes himself a bourbon and Coke. Had to be this way. Was never gonna change for the bettter, so might as well get it done and not pretend otherwise. Nothing was ever accomplished by trying to put back together what’s been broken from almost the beginning. Nicky raises his glass and makes a silent toast: To me. To having the balls to do what has to be done.

He should be crying right about now, he knows, but he’s not gonna. He’s made a pact with himself and he won’t back away from the promise now. Tears aren’t gonna make things any different, not to mention any better. He takes a puff of the cigarette and inhales deeply, as if the smoke can push down the deeper hurts he’s been carrying his whole life.

Shoulda never made the promise six months ago. Seems so long now that it starts to feel more like six years, but it was just January when he nodded and sealed his fate. Well, to be honest, their fate. In a matter of a few minutes, fate will no longer exist for her, and he will be left to sweep up the memories, dispose of the dreams, and call for assistance. Doesn’t really matter now, does it? Nope. Not in the least.

Nicky shakes his head and starts to chuckle. To you, old gal, he says under his breath. You were a good mom, but sooner or later we all reach the end of our lines. Best part about it all is this time tomorrow all your pain will be gone and the house will be mine. Then he can invite his friends over and party as much and as late as he’s always wanted.

No more disapproval. No more shame. No more hiding. If only he’d known sooner this moment would be so freeing. Makes him wish he’d been braver,  more bold.

He drinks to the moment and picks up the phone to begin making the calls.

Copyright 2016 by Michael Millwood. All rights belong to the author and material may not be copied without the author’s express permission.

‘A Blood Ritual On The Fountain Of Youth’ by Robert L. Franklin

On a balmy May night, amidst a flurry of insect choruses performing great symphonies in the towering grass, I sat in my chair and had what I can only assume to be a dramatic revelation. All writers, I said to myself while striking the flint of my trusty windproof lighter and immolating the end of a cigarette, are time-travelers.

I had never considered such a notion before, as it essentially neatly sidesteps my mantra of living in whatever moment is currently taking place. But in pondering the great literary minds of the past and having ethanol-soaked conversations with their ghosts, I came to realize that regardless of their popularity at the time of their deaths, their existence persists in the further indulgence of their work. Their words act like the machine of Wells’ design, each read of Infinite Jest, Ulysses, and The Picture of Dorian Gray, to name just a few of the many examples, placing their respective composer firmly within the moment in which their texts begin a classical waltz with the reader.

For the sake of full disclosure, I cannot say why it took me so long to realize this. I have spent the last three decades composing in some form and it seems to have only just now hit me that compositions live on long after their author withers away entombed in the soggy, malodorous kingdom of worms.

Perhaps it may have something to do with the fact I am finally starting to get the first gentle, supple tastes of success? Perhaps it has something to do with suddenly approaching the age of thirty? Perhaps both?

In my extreme youth, I feverishly put pedestrian diction to wide-ruled notebook paper, rending scores of number two pencils until only the frail ferrule surrounding what was left of the pink rubber eraser survived. Those were carefree days; I never looked at writing as a career choice. At the time, I believe I wanted to be doctor, or a veterinarian, or a taxidermist (I had some strange childhood aspirations). Yet, I received so much pleasure from writing one-page short stories about ghosts, goblins, and interpretations of slasher movie plots (I had some strange childhood interests), I devoted a considerable portion of my free time to doing just that. Then, I would seal them closed with Crayola wax conveniently liquefied by my intense desk lamp that in retrospect may have actually been a fire hazard.

In my adolescence, I had become interested in music and by my early-20’s, I found myself in a new part of the country every other day performing textured, ether-drenched guitar riffs, reverb-rich bass notes, and sharp, shimmering percussion of my own composition to people I didn’t know in places I had previously never been. I cannot say whether youthful naiveté or the perpetual, ambient fog of marijuana and acid had anything to do with my lack of comprehension that my masterpieces, my art, would last forever, but as I quickly creep on the thirtieth anniversary of my birth, I now fully realize that everyone who witnessed the shows I performed with my band mates will always have some memory of that intimacy we shared, and it is in that memory that I will live on even after I turn to dust.

In the present, I am in the process of building a brand. Taking cues from the great minds who came before me, I craft fictional tales of inconsistent quality and provide sociopolitical commentary to hundreds of thousands of unique readers. In being a novelist and poet, I have come to realize that the men and women who have inspired me continue to live on not only through their own words, but also through mine. As a journalist, I now understand that even men and women who are not among the ranks of literary composers enjoy the time-bending perks as well, for their influence is felt to this day in morality, legislation, and jurisprudence.

So, maybe to restrict these musings solely to those who contribute to the finer arts is dishonest. Perhaps any contribution, even those in the realms of politics, social sciences, history, mathematics, and the empirical sciences also time-travel? Perhaps these men and women also live on, even long after their bodies have been returned to the Earth and recycled for reuse in the creation of someone else who, perhaps, may live on in defiance of time as well?

When I consider these notions, opening a book to engage the mind of someone else existing in a different point in time, it is difficult for me to not contemplate if I, too, will live on long after I am dead, joining the ranks of thousands who came before me and maybe even welcoming thousands more who will follow. Everything I put to paper will exist ad infinitum, which is, at least to me, a daunting insight.

But I would be Herodotus if I said it was not an enticing one and I would be James Frey if I stated I wouldn’t become comfortable with the notion of continuing to live on long after I am dead through the integrity of my work.

So at the end of the day, not only do those who write time-travel, but they also cheat death. Extinguishing my cigarette in a unique, handcrafted ashtray, I stand from my chair, as if to applaud the symphonic efforts of the insects below, and say to myself: to write is to take a blade to your palm and slowly drip crimson life in the brisk waters of the Fountain of Youth.

Copyright 2016 by Robert L. Franklin. All rights belong to the author and material may not be copied without the author’s express permission.