Seems she’s been sick for ages now, my poor Katie. It’s such a sin when children are born sick, such a burden on the world, and such a horrible struggle for the child. But it must be God’s will, and to that I submit always. He knows what is best for my little Katie. Only He can heal her. Only He has that power.
Katie is such an angel. Not even yet three, but a light in this dark world. Her eyes of sparkling blue always light up when I walk into the room. She whispers, “Daddy, I love you,” and every fiber of me melts. How was I so blessed with this gift? But other questions come, too:
- Why must she be sick?
- Why must a child be in so much pain?
- Why has this happened to me?
I seek the answers in scripture and prayer, but am no closer to the truth than when I started. Which means I must redouble my efforts, pray more, earnestly seek for His will to be done.
I awaken to the sound of Katie crying, calling out for me. I take a cold, wet washrag and rub it across her face, which is hot with fever. Then I kneel beside her bed and pray again, asking God to heal her. Please heal her, Holy Father! Please remove this illness from my only child! I beg of you! But the response I get is only silence, only more tears from Katie.
Once about three months ago I was told by a friend that I should relent, should take her to the hospital. My dear friend Anna told me it wasn’t a sin to let doctors, led by God, heal her. What can it hurt? she asked. Anna does not understand about sending your immortal soul to hell for all eternity when you disobey. I cherish Anna, but she is just wrong. And I will not give into the Dark Lord and sacrifice my daughter to their lies, their works. Anna tried to argue that doctors can be led by God, too, but how many people of science truly believe in anything other than their own personal genius? Some doctors are said to have a “God complex.” Is that the kind of person I want seeing to my daughter?
Katie seems worse today. She has almost no energy at all. She can barely whisper “Daddy” when I lean forward to kiss her forehead, which is aflame with fever. I notice the bloodstains on the sheets and pray for deliverance from this momentary hell I am living through. He knows we are in need, and He will provide in time. This is merely a test of faith. To fail it is to lose everything.
Katie went to be with God on March 15. She is in a far better world. I am praying for her night and day and know we will be reunited one day in the hereafter.
Anna wrote me an email, and it said:
You are responsible for the death of your daughter. She could have been healed if you had only done what needed to be done. If you were not so damn stubborn!
The police have approached me and I plan to cooperate with them. You are a heartless monster.
Later tonight I plan to get in my car and leave. I don’t know where I will go, but I am being led to travel far away from here. He will guide me. Only He can possibly understand what I am feeling now.
For now I will rest. And by daybreak, God willing, I will be on my way far from here.
Copyright 2016 by Andrew Bradford. All rights belong to the author and material may not be copied without the author’s express permission.